In James Baldwin's John's Room, David is a heterosexual man with homosexual desires. This desire to be with men leads him to be desensitized to how he actually feels when he is with all four of his lovers: male and female. Every relationship he has had is destroyed as he tries to find deeper meaning to his actions. Throughout the book, David realizes that his relationship and his “act of love” (sex) with women is simply lust, a need to establish his sexuality; but at the same time, David deceives himself into thinking that his relationship with men is love when in reality his actions after being with them show that it is also an act of lust and therefore he fails to maintain any stable relationship with his lovers .Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get an original essayDavid is unable to maintain any stable relationships with the women he meets because the relationship he has with them, no matter how long, is based on lust and not love. David's lust can be defined as the need to establish his sexuality. David knows this and uses Sue and Hella to establish this façade of being heterosexual and only engages in "acts of love" to reinforce the idea that he is truly a heterosexual man. This idea of ​​using women to satisfy his sexual desires is evident when he meets Sue. David falls in love with Sue and begins to comment on her appearance with "small breasts and a big butt... [she wears] skinny jeans" and even goes so far as to "mentally [take] off all her clothes." (95). By describing her physical traits and mentally undressing her from the moment they meet, David sees her as a way to satisfy his sexual desire and, through her, establish his heterosexuality. David acts on this feeling and offers Sue a proposition for sex. Even though David begins to think, "what I did with Giovanni couldn't be more immoral than what I'm about to do with Sue", he continues with his plan to have sex with her knowing it would just be meaningless sex. fueled by his lust (99). During the sexual encounter, he describes approaching Sue as “if she were a job, a job that needed to be done in an unforgettable way” (100). Describing Sue as “a job” that must be done in an “unforgettable way,” David fails to establish any kind of connection with her that would lead to a stable relationship. This reinforces the idea that he wants nothing more than her body and what she can provide. Although David is in the process of this "macabre act of love", he knows that there is no connection between him and Sue; that Sue is just a one night stand. It is thanks to this understanding that David knows that a stable relationship with Sue is just a crazy thought. After committing this "macabre act of love", David shrugs Sue aside, reiterating the idea that David wants nothing more than sex from his lovers to establish his sexuality. As for Hella, when David sees her for the first time, he falls in love with her too. his. David thinks "it would be fun to have fun with her" and states that it was "all she meant to him" confirming that the idea of ​​being with her is driven by lust and not love (4). The idea that this is lust is evident as David only sees her as someone he can "have fun" with, not someone he can maintain a stable relationship with. It is only later that David tries to delude himself that he loves Hella by saying "I told her I loved her once and I convinced myself of it" (5) to further help him deal with his battle with his homosexual desires. David knows for himself that it is onelie when he tells her that he loves her, but tries to believe it as much as possible because he doesn't want to question his sexuality. By questioning his sexuality, David would question his action as something based on lust to establish his sexuality, but he is in this period of time where he doesn't want to question his sexuality as he wants to believe that he loves her. It is only after Hella left that David stopped deceiving himself and saw the truth in his relationship with Hella. He begins to think that what he had with her was pure lust and that he is not sure if she "ever meant more to [him]" (4). He also understands that he deceived himself by loving her and making himself believe he was in love to thwart his homosexual desires. It is only at the end - after having ruined Hella's conception of love - David understands that what fueled his relationship with Hella is the same thing that fueled his relationship with Sue: the desire to establish his sexuality. For these lovers, he can't maintain a stable relationship because all he wants from them is sex. By having sex with them, David believes he can establish his heterosexuality and thus counteract his homosexual desire. This shows that David will not be able to have and maintain a stable relationship with women because he only wants them to establish his sexuality. Because David understands that his relationship with Sue and Hella is based on lust, David believes that his relationship with Joey and Giovanni is disaffected, but his actions show otherwise. This confusion leads David to struggle as he tries to maintain relationships with his male lovers because he doesn't understand whether what he has with them is love or a desire for lust. He cannot distinguish the difference between love and lust, but he truly believes during the period of intimacy that what he has is love. The first time he struggles to distinguish the difference between love and lust is when he is with Joey. He realizes that when he touches Joey that night, "something happened in [them] that made this touch unlike any touch [they] had ever known" (8). It's this "something" that leads David to think that what he has with Joey is love. He figures that because it's a different "touch", there's something more to it and that's what leads him to think he's fallen in love. He also says that “a lifetime would not be long enough for me to perform an act of love with Joey” (8). Since that meeting, David deludes himself that he is so in love that not even "a lifetime [will be] long enough" to show his love. But although he deluded himself into believing that he was in love, his subsequent actions proved that it was only a feeling of lust. This so-called love that David experienced is short-lived and proves that it wasn't love to begin with. During the night with Joey, David describes how one life will not be enough, but later says, "But that life was short, it was bounded by that night..." demonstrating that David was full of emotions that night to the point of deceiving if same. of thinking that what she had with Joey was love (8). Furthermore, David begins to mistreat Joey further reinforcing the idea that what he had with Joey is not love. If what he truly feels for Joey is love, David would not be abusive towards Joey. The line between love and lust is blurred especially in Giovanni's case. David, from the beginning, already deludes himself that he is in love with Giovanni. Jacques unknowingly helps David believe this lie when he tells David to "love him, love him, and let him love you" (57). As David continues to be with Giovanni, he tries to find good things about Giovanni so that he can continue to lie to himself. Something as small as walking down the street makes David love John and believe that "for that moment [he] truly loved.